Drowning

How time flies.
It's already the third month in the year of 2015.
Feels like not long ago, that we're just celebrating christmas,
then new year.
How time flies. (Yes I'm being redundant)

I was hoping for a good start of the year (January)
So, that didn't exactly happen.
So, I hope I can get a good start again for the year (Chinese New Year)
but it didn't start good right on the eve of Chinese New Year.

I had a bad week right before Chinese New Year.
I was sick.
My students were sick and they were giving me a hard time.
Then family ruins it.
and In the end I cried.
Cried. When I told myself no more tears this year.
Nope. Broke that goal much.

Putting that aside.
I'm pretty much worried sick about a job.
Yes I have a job right now.
Two months has pass and I have a month left before I end up jobless again.
I don't know what to do, where to go, which way to go.

No leads, No pointers, No encouragements, No. Nothing.
I am scared. I am afraid.  I am most of all terrified out of my guts.
What if I don't a job at all.
What if I get a job which has nothing to do with my course.
What if I do that and end up disappointing my parents? (not like they weren't disappointed in me in the first place)
They didn't exactly said that they were proud of me also.

I'm just lost.
I really feel like I'm in a maze with no exits.
I'm stuck.
Hitting dead ends.

I go to sleep thinking about this. every. night.
It's killing me.
As the "due date" gets closer.
I go into panic mode.

I might act all cool on the outside when people ask me.
But honestly on the inside.
I'm just lost.

help. someone help.
but no one can cause I'm suppose to help.
but I'm drowning and no one wants to give me a hand.
I'm drowning in my own thoughts and sorrows.
I don't want to go back into depression.
It sucked.


help.



I need help.



Anyone.





help?



---------------------------------------dead-------------------------------------------