Insane

I went to a mall, 
So happened,
There was a dance competition going on. 
I wondered to myself if I knew anyone there.
I walked passed the venue, uninterested.

Again, 
I walked passed a television which was broadcasting the competition.
I passed by it, 
Someone caught my eye. 
I paused and looked back.

I know him I thought to myself.
I know his brother even better somehow.
I wondered to myself,
If he was here....will his brother be around?

In my head, 
I hope, 
Oh gosh, 
Please don’t let him be around,
Please don’t let him see me or bump into me.

I yet again walked passed the venue.
My curiosity got the best of me.
I stopped and started looking.
Looking for someone who will look familiar to me from a far.

I sighed a breath of relief when I did not see a familiar face.
Instead, a person related to him started dancing.
I got lost in time watching. 

Once more,
I left the venue,
Brushing off the possibility.
But somehow,
I had an uneasy feeling.

I figured I went and check it out again.
I stood from a far observing. 
Observing everyone, the dancers, the public, the judges.

Somehow, my eyes stopped.
My heart dropped.
It was him. 
That one of a kind hair, height and of course him being an asshole.

He came.
I thought of saying hai.
My brain said no.
What for it ask my heart?

Is he your friend? 
No.
Does he care for you?
No.
Do you guys even contact each other?
Not even close.

So why bother?
It doesn’t make a difference.

We’re both strangers.
But deep down,
I wanted somehow to...Kill him?

No, that’s too harsh.

Torture him?

No, that’s too harsh also.

I just wanted to give him a punch.
For being a prick that he is.

For being so great looking on the outside,
But on the inside,
All disgusting. 

I don’t know why.
I don’t know why I this way.

I just somehow wanted to write this down.
I looked from afar...

We’re just strangers.
I don’t think he would have even acknowledge me. 

Somehow I’m disappointed. 
But WHY? 
I need to put this behind me.
But put WHAT behind me when there was nothing to begin with!?

I must have gone mad.
Ignore me.
Ignore myself.

I sound like a stalker.
But I promise I am not.

The End.

2016

Wow, It's been a while.
It really has.

I always wanted to write something.
But then when I open a page to start typing something...
I just didn't know how to put my feelings down in words.

It's officially a new year.
A year just pass with a blink of an eye.
From being unemployed to being employed to being unemployed again.

I hate that feeling.
It was great to gain a new experience.
Being a teacher was really fulfilling.
Meeting new people...
Meeting all my kids...
All the hugs and kisses I get everyday when I go to school.

I'm gonna miss that. I really will.
I'm gonna miss the kids I got attached the most.
All I wish for is that they grow up well and hopefully,
Just hopefully when they grow up, they still remember me.
Doesn't have to even be my name,
Maybe even a flash of memory, remembering a teacher who love them,
gave them hugs and gave them kisses.

Gosh I told myself not to be so attached with the kids.
Now I have all the pictures and videos to remind myself how little they were.

On the bright side,
A new adventure awaits.
Not sure what, when, with who or how,
honestly I just hope it's interesting.

I'm scared,
terrified to be honest.
To be going into new things, starting something you imagine in your head or something.
Just looking at all of my friends,
Who have stable jobs,
Doing something they love (kinda),

I'm so afraid of being judged,
I'm terrified of everything.
Terrified thinking of the future.

Will I get a job?
Will I get a job just to get money to live?
Or will I do something that I love?

But, what do I love?


I don't know.








Mom has been so supportive,
Giving me advice,
Positive vibes,
Telling me it's okay, when opportunity comes it will just come for you.

In the mean time,
try your best,
work hard..

Thankful for my mom for being so understanding of my situation.
I'm so stressed out.
I'm....
I don't know.

It's the first day of a new year,
Here I am typing while I have tears rolling down my face.

What a way to start off the new year.
The new year new me thing is such a bullshit.
I'm just gonna leave it here.

bye.

A Summary from April to May

Last I checked,
My last post was in March. Wow.
It is now the last week of May.

Reading back that post,
I was kinda....suffering.
I guess things settled down after that.
I have a job till the end of this year

and best part is I got my Big Bang concert tickets.
That was one of the main point of the job,
I needed the money LOL.

Okay it's been so long since I blogged something...
I kinda really got lazy honestly.
Being a preschool teacher really ain't easy
and no it is not just go to school and PLAY with kids. heckkkk no.
and some kids are angels and some kids are just born to be devils.
I blame the parents upbringing. hah.

I think I'll just post pictures.
I think I have some. LOL.

This was around...Mid of march? They were learning about their eyes and hence the sunglasses.

Meet little Andrae :)

Andrae has the cutest laugh :)

Was assisting in making cookies during one of  the cultural lessons.

Honestly, I only ate like...ONE. 

Meet my fav darling Lucas. He's 5 and was sick and went home with a fever. Hopefully he comes back to school on monday with a bright smile x) 

My class when I'm teaching.

Amos, so timid but in class good gosh he is a ....noisemaker.

Chua Jing learning how to spoon to 3 equal bowls.

Eu Ben spooning beans to bowls.

Joined the big bang M event for fun. not for the sake of winning.

And that sums my post. aha.
boring.
bye.

-VIP-

Drowning

How time flies.
It's already the third month in the year of 2015.
Feels like not long ago, that we're just celebrating christmas,
then new year.
How time flies. (Yes I'm being redundant)

I was hoping for a good start of the year (January)
So, that didn't exactly happen.
So, I hope I can get a good start again for the year (Chinese New Year)
but it didn't start good right on the eve of Chinese New Year.

I had a bad week right before Chinese New Year.
I was sick.
My students were sick and they were giving me a hard time.
Then family ruins it.
and In the end I cried.
Cried. When I told myself no more tears this year.
Nope. Broke that goal much.

Putting that aside.
I'm pretty much worried sick about a job.
Yes I have a job right now.
Two months has pass and I have a month left before I end up jobless again.
I don't know what to do, where to go, which way to go.

No leads, No pointers, No encouragements, No. Nothing.
I am scared. I am afraid.  I am most of all terrified out of my guts.
What if I don't a job at all.
What if I get a job which has nothing to do with my course.
What if I do that and end up disappointing my parents? (not like they weren't disappointed in me in the first place)
They didn't exactly said that they were proud of me also.

I'm just lost.
I really feel like I'm in a maze with no exits.
I'm stuck.
Hitting dead ends.

I go to sleep thinking about this. every. night.
It's killing me.
As the "due date" gets closer.
I go into panic mode.

I might act all cool on the outside when people ask me.
But honestly on the inside.
I'm just lost.

help. someone help.
but no one can cause I'm suppose to help.
but I'm drowning and no one wants to give me a hand.
I'm drowning in my own thoughts and sorrows.
I don't want to go back into depression.
It sucked.


help.



I need help.



Anyone.





help?



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About the blogger

ABOUT ME

► Name ➔ Michelle
► Will you answer all questions truthfully ➔ Yes
► Are you single ➔ Yes
► Are you happy ➔ Not exactly
► Are you Italian ➔ Nope
► Are you German ➔ Nope
► Are you Asian ➔ Yeap.
► Are you angry? ➔ Not right now

► Are you Irish ➔ Nope
► Are your parents still married ➔ Yes

TEN FACTS
► Birth Place ➔ Malaysia, Selangor, Klang
► Hair Color ➔ Semi dark burgundy
► Eye Color ➔ Dark Brown
► Birthday ➔ September 27th
► Mood ➔  Sleepy but I don't want to sleep
► Gender ➔ Female
► Lefty or Righty ➔ Righty
► Summer or winter ➔ Summer (My country kinda has only one season technically)
► Morning or afternoon ➔ Afternoon

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE 
► Are you in love? ➔ No (wish I was honestly)
► Do you believe in love at first sight? ➔ Never
► Have you ever broken someone’s heart? ➔ Yes (guilty)
► Are you afraid of commitments? ➔ A little bit
► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ Yes
► Have you ever had a secret admirer? ➔ No ( I don't know actually)
► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ not sure

TEN CHOICES► Love or lust ➔ Love
► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ Iced Tea
► Cats or Dogs ➔ Dogs
► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ A few friends
► Television or internet ➔ Internet
► Pepsi or Coke ➔ Coke
► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ Romantic night in
► Day or night ➔ Night
► IM or Phone ➔ Phone

TEN HAVE YOU EVER
► Been caught sneaking out ➔ No
► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ Both
► Finished an entire jawbreaker ➔ Never had them
► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ Yes
► Prank called a store ➔ Nope
► Skipped school ➔ Yes
► Wanted to disappear ➔ Yes

► Smile or eyes ➔ Eyes (since you can also smile with your eyes)
► Light or dark hair ➔ Either
► Shorter or Taller ➔ Taller
► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ Both
► Hook-up or Relationship➔ Relationship
► Funny and poor OR rich and serious ➔ Lets be serious here.

ABOUT ME► Last Phone Call ➔ My mom
► Last phone call you received ➔ From my mom
► Last person you hung out with ➔ Friend from uni
► Last thing you ate ➔ Steamboat at around 8pm
► Last thing you drank ➔ Water
► Last site you went to ➔ Tumblr
► Last place you were ➔ My room

FAMILY
► Do you and your family get along  ➔ Yes and no
► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ Not as much compared to serious ones.
► Have you ever run away from home ➔ No
► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ No

Convocation 2014

Convocation! 

Officially got my Bachelors Degree.

Honestly, people kept asking me how I feel right after.

I was like "I don't feel anything, the same"

It's true. It's not like it really makes a difference honestly.

Although of course I'm happy to see all my friends,

all dressed up, all having flowers in their hand, teddy bears

and huge ass balloons (three times larger than an original balloon size)

It made everything very colourful and all those gifts

made us pop out in photos. It really does.

It was such a long tiring day.

You get there so early, weather so hot, your entire face filled with make up.

Especially me, when my eyeliner is usually thicker than usual compare

to other girls. ( I have uneven eyelids, It's permanent, can't be changed)

So it takes loads of time to make it look like it's even. 

and I'm very particular, I need my eyeliner to be sharp. To look like a cat. LOL

Thanks to the weather, after getting my robe and mortar board,

I somehow managed to smudge my right eye side eyeliner.

Seeing that I used gel and liquid eyeliner...

and I only have my eyeliner pen only..

it was a disaster.

I thought it was a disaster.

After many rubbing off eyeliner (my skin came off)

it SEEM to look even and I just stop at that cause

my left eye hurt from all the rubbing off eyeliner with damp tissue.

As usual, my parents didn't exactly come on time.

So many people, So hot, So crowded. 

Seeing that we communication students were the first few rows

we head up to take our "scrolls" first.

I guess I was happy about it,

at least you know,

get it over and done with.

and 

having 500 over students.. I really thank god

we were the first few rows cause waiting is pain.

although, waiting for the rest was also a pain.

We were all hungry, restless.

I wasn't feeling too well, trust me.

Terrible quality of the projector screen,

terrible sound system.

and you would think we pay so much 

and yet we don't have a decent sound system at all. 

Such a rip off.

So everyone supposedly agree to take a picture 

before we run off to layan our parents and family..

barely half came.

It was disappointing.

Everyone is so stick in to their little gang,

trying to get one whole group picture can be so difficult.

and it's well,

can consider it as one of the last time we'll see everyone.

No one could even take at least 5 minute to spare. NOPE.

As always. 

We said we'll meet up again at a certain time for photos.

NOPE.

no one answered...

one by one said they had to leave...

they had other plans.

Gosh.

Trust me, I was so disappointed and annoyed.

I really wanted to just leave with my parents.

NOOOO I waited.

waited till it freaking rain then everyone said they had their own thing.

Yea I didn't like it okay.

Like come on!. 

Then you can say,

I didn't take photos with anyone of you.

WHY? cause you didn't take the TIME to do it. BYE.

It was really chaotic, plus the blazing weather. 

I was sweating bullets.

Very happy that my cousins came, 

They even came bearing gifts,

Which I really didn't expect.

It was actually a great moment,

at least I got some pictures with certain people,

Better than nothing.

Really happy that a certain friend came also.

But I felt so bad for "missing" her.

It was just that I had so many people to entertain.

It was really hard to entertain everyone at the same time. 

Was really really sorry about it.

Sorry Michelle!! (No I am not apologizing to myself)

Below are some of the pictures taken!

Thanks to my cousin who helped me took some,

who declared herself as a pro,

when my DSLR,

which I personally set everything in Auto so

all she had to do was press the button. LOL

With the Pa and Ma. 

With the shortie! Gosh so glad I actually got a picture together.

Kent came in, so why not take the chance!

We weren't actually posing.

Yes, now we're posing.

The cousins and the soon to be cousin in law :)

With the lovely lady, Amanda Liu and my cousins who also know each other. Small world.

I personally LOVE this picture of them. ;) <3

Thank you for the Flower and teddy!:) I LOVE IT

Had to pose with the famous blogger. HEHE

Diploma -----) Degree!

The height difference is amazing.

Wei Wei ;)

Fav lecturer ever! Ms Lina :)

My Twinnie, Michelle :)

Such heartfelt hand written letter and.. an eyeliner (twin knows me too well)

Thank you cousins for the colourful flowers!

Thank you cousin for the cute bear and chocolates~

Thank you Pa and Ma for the outstanding bouquet!

Thank you John Liew for coming!

Cousin Eelin :)

Cousin Jackie 

Thank you for coming Penny :)




and we out.


End.



-VIP-