Toasting Fire

Hai readers.

How ya'll doing today?

It's after 12am right now.

I probably will head to bed by 1am.

I have to get up early to head to college

for a group study.

Not sure whether will we really study..

but well, maybe something will come out from that group study.

a few lines into the brain.

My mood wasn't that bad after watching showdown 2011 today.

Meltdown was hard, but it seems like Elecoldxhot took

it very well indeed. I'm proud :)

and I can't wait for the live show next week.

I expected Soulution to do better.

A little disappointing, but they are in the top 12 :)

anyways, after that.

I open up my facebook account.

and I checked my notifications.

Open my inbox to check the messages.

And then I read...

and in my mind after what some of them said.

"Here we go again"

I thought just saying nothing will just end all this.

Gosh I just feel like crying now.

It sucks to feel like that.

It just sucks to be hated, to be bitched, to be judged.

when you know you did your hardest just to

stay out of trouble.

and finally when you're at the stage where you

just wanna step outside and get a breather..

Rain starts pouring heavily on you.

Since starting of my diploma

I never once look forward to going to my classes.

friends changed, groups changed, classes changed

most worst of all, people changed.

I can't just have one day ..

you know.. to look forward to class the next morning.

wake up, smile, dress up, drive to campus,

go into class with a smile, greeting classmates.

but we all don't.

We wake up reluctantly, without a smile,

being so sleepy..

drive to campus with traffic jams, terrible drivers..

and in the end come to a huge campus where

car park is hell to find.

Drag out feets to class,

wait for the never ending coming to your level lifts,

to make it worse, you have to walk up the stairs..

head to class, find the spot where you'll sit for the whole semester

and drop dead there.

How would it be like to be that person

who just everyone likes automatically.

I'm envious.

It sucks to be hated like this, when I did nothing.

Hates to be judge when you just did one mistake.

and to be bitch cause, I did this and I did that.

I'm terribly sorry for giving you all this emo post crap.

I'm feeling that way right now.

sometimes, being a loner doesn't kill.

Really it just doesn't.

I prefer to sit in the corner, keep quiet and observe.

Just to be anti social. to zip my mouth.

to go in class not saying a word and come out of class

still not saying a word.

I'm sorry to whomever I have offended from what I have said.

I'm sorry to whomever I have hated or have bitched about.

It's just me, I say what i have in my mind.

I'm that straight forward, what can you do?

It's part of me, I just HAVE to.

Don't look at me and say I bitch about you.

You can't tell me that you don't bitch about others and me too.

EVERYONE bitches bout each other.

You just either hate it or learn from it.

I learn from whomever bitches about me.

and I know who.

I say my thoughts, I'm hot tempered.

It's in my blood, it's in my DNA.

My mom side and her sisters are all hot headed.

My mom herself is hotheaded.

It's in my blood, how can i NOT be hot tempered?

you tell me. I can control and keep it in

but by then, EVERYONE gets the blow.

you know what I mean?

I really had enough of all this drama and hell.

I really just wanna end all this, make truce.

and live happily ever after.

I made a mistake, everyone does.

You do too, so why just push it to one person.

I admit I was wrong, I admit I do sometimes go way over board.

But you have to understand it's just me.

I may angry one day, but the next day

I'm over it.

But when you bring up the mess all over again,

How can I not be? it's not fair to anyone of us.

Let's just really STOP.

no more, JUST no more. Enough is enough.

I had enough.

I just wanna be normal, happy, okay friends.

no backstabbing bitches or hypocrites and all this shit.

So I sincerely apologize.

I'm sorry.

Okay, I think I'm done spilling my guts out.

I'm gonna listen to music

and relax myself.

everything is all heating up inside. urgh.

I'll really burn when It comes to right place at the right time.

Happy Belated Birthday to MISS A FEI! and their 300th day.

-VIP-